Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Jax [April 15, 1984 - March 11, 2007]

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring love
Where there is injury, your pardon Lord
And where there is doubt, true faith in You

Make me a channel of your peace
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where theres sadness ever joy

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
to be loved as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
It is in giving to all man that we receive

And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

It seems like so much of my life consists of death. And yet -- I will miss Jax. More than I can say. I will. It hurts so much, and yet --

And yet, at the same time, I am strangely peaceful about it. He was an amazing person, and that prayer -- his favorite! -- he embodied it to the fullest. I have no doubt, at all, whatsoever, that he is with God now. That does not do much to stop the ache of losing him, but. But it is something.

[His husband played the hymn on his violin at the funeral. They buried him -- a green burial -- on his farm. Ryan was overwhelmed by how many people showed up -- after all, Jax spent 'most all his time on the farm, rather secluded, but they showed up, from his school, from his church, from everywhere, and I am not surprised. Jax's father did not show up. I am disappointed, but also not surprised.

Nobody wore black, and that is how it should be.]